How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Hello! It has been so long since I've updated, and that is such a good thing! Here are all of the things that have happened since I last updated:

- Went to Toronto for a week with Denise, where we enjoyed 7 documentary films as part of a Hot Docs, a documentary film festival. We became champions of public transit, made friends with Canadians, and generally had lots of shenanigans. Oh, and we drove there and back.

- Saw some of my favorite people graduate Smith College! I was able to drive up and sleep on Shanna's floor (thank youuu!), and I couldn't have been prouder to see my loves walk that stage. Also, I got to visit my babies and lovely co-workers from the Baby Farm* where I was a teacher (*not the real name of the school), and it was amazing to see how everyone had grown.

- Made a silly 24-hour trip to Noho and back when I needed to escape.

- Had the best picnic that I have ever had, hands down.

- Partook in a day trip to the beach with Cousin Nicky.

- Survived over a week of my room being a hostel for four of my friends. I absolutely loved getting to see them all, and as much as I worried about playing Tour Guide all week, I managed totally well and rested when I needed to and still love them all immensely.

The best part? I DID NOT HAVE ANY CRASHES.

That's right; I am doing so much better! I can think of two isolated instances since my last post where I really have felt sort of in crashing mode, but whereas my previous crashes peaked around an 8 on a 1 - 10 scale, these were closer to 5's. I like to think that it's due in part to me listening to my body better and knowing when to stop. I have been sleeping 10 hours a night again, which I think will always be what I need to function like a human. However, I do know that I still need to be taking it easy so I don't push myself too much. For as much as I've been doing lately, I'm not working and I don't have any schedule for my days that isn't self-imposed, so I know that there is a possibility that I will have some not-so-good days when I'm in France in the fall. But I'm keeping hopeful that this summer will provide me with all of the opportunities for rest (and fun excursions, too!) that will keep me in a good place for when I uproot and start my new job. Which means that in the meantime, I need to stop looking at all of those tempting craigslist ads and get used to the fact that I can't be making money/contributing to society right now.

I guess that's all for now, and hopefully you won't hear from me again for awhile, since I'll be off having fun little adventures! Love love.

Sorry for the lapse in posting!

Since I last wrote, I spent a week up in Noho, which was absolutely wonderful. I was staying with a dear friend, but I unfortunately got her all worried when she saw how bad I get when I really crash. However, even though I did crash out pretty badly, it was definitely worth it to be able to see all of my friends. I got to visit my old workplace and see all of my co-workers and babies, I saw an AMAZING performance by deaf comedian C.J. Jones, and I got to sit in on lots of Carlie's classes, which made me all excited about ASL and Deaf Studies. Not to mention that I ran into lots of folks that made me feel warm and fuzzy. All in all, it was a wonderful trip.

I had another doctor's appointment yesterday, which offered no concrete answers, to my continued chagrin. Here's what I wrote a friend about the experience:

"I got to see a rheumatologist yesterday, who once again gave me a shrug and a send-off. She mentioned that my symptoms were inconsistent with CFS, but she is also an arthritis specialist, so maybe she isn't the best person to know. She also said that it was a diagnosis of elimination, and she was also the first person to spontaneously mention CFS without my prompting, which may be helpful. In any case, I get to go see a muscle specialist when I get back from Canada, which may lead to a visit to Columbia University to put big needles in my muscles to see why I get more tired after exertion. So, long story short, back to the drawing board, and I'm still just in a place where I want a doctor to give me helpful advice of what I should be doing to build myself up again. Though I know that the answer is probably to just be resting infinitely, since I'm only feeling comfortable at rest. But since that's not the answer I want, I guess I'll be going to doctors until I get any answers at all, even if they're not the ones I want."

Although the doctor/diagnosis scene is still looking bleak, nearly everything else is going pretty great. I am so thankful for everyone I have in my life, especially those who are learning every day with me how to be patient, kind, and at a pace I can handle. I love you all so much.

In the meantime, I'll be visited by three friends starting tomorrow until I leave for Nova Scotia on Thursday, where I'll stay for about 3 weeks! I love being able to have these little adventures.